Sorry Papa

papa you gifted me
a diary of lovely pages
sorry I couldn't do
anything good using it
only made paper plane
to fly in the sky
and paper boats
to float in the water canals.

papa you gifted me
a garden of thousand roses
sorry I couldn't' do
any good using it
only plucked them all
to be sold in the market.
and some to decorate
the place of worship
and some I gave away
to strangers, world call as friends.

papa you gifted me
a box full of dreams
and asked to keep them safe.
sorry I couldn't do
any good with them too.
only broke them all away
and now I stand with the broken pieces
scattered everywhere around me...

Good Night

It's the time

To go slow

And throw

Your head

On to the pillow

And Sleep

Silently weep

For no one's around

And the day is over.

Since morning

You hid your tears

Back-lashing fears

Thumping heartbeats unclear.

It's the time

To crack them all

Break all walls

And be the you

The you that you are

Foolishly sad

Stupidly bad

And insanely hellish...

It's the time

to say

Goodbye long day

Good night please stay

And be lost

In dreams forever...

Father and I

I keep the TV set

Turned on

In Your room

And I am let

To live on

Thinking You're alive.

When I feel

A little ill

I close my eyes

And kill

What's real

That's how I heal.

I sink deep

Into the memories

There you keep

Your warm hands

On my forehead

And place the pillow

Softly under my head.

You sit beside me

Talking sweetly

And I smile

Smile so happily...

Bereavement

I've preserved your smell

Deep down my senses:

Rusted nails hammered 

Straight on an old wall.

And your presence

Is the sweet fragrance

Of the winter flowers,

That bear your remembrance

From the winters

Of the yester-years.

When you dosed on

Sitting in your cot

Watching your favourite

Evening T.V. show.

And every time when 

The door of your room

Opened outside,

Ushering the fragrance in.

You woke up

Looking outside

Wearing a smile thin.

The door still brings

Fresh flower perfumes

Your room is empty

Ever since you left

Walking out through the door.

I've held in my eyes

Your face serene

Shrunken in weakness

Dried up before age

With asthmatic breathing

Air entering mouth

Never leaving out in whole;

The fragrance was irritating

Annoyance for your soul.

I never enjoyed

The sweet smelling flowers

In completion.

Left the task on rest

For the season next,

The winter to come.

Never knew the winter this year

Will be dumb

With your absence felt

And memories 

Spread around

Like songs

Silently hummed... 

Ringing Telephone

Phone's ringing

No, I won't pick it up.

It keeps ringing

Ringing all the time.

A friend, a colleague,

A sales adviser, a telemarketer,

A wrong number, some irritating caller.

Poor phone rings

Hundred times a day.

Earlier I waited

For it to ring once in a while.

My father  would call

And his voice would fill the home.

Now hes absence fills it all,

Nobody laughs out loud, nobody talks,

Nobody watches TV, nobody listens to songs.

No phone calls, no long talks

Nobody's on the other line.

Sorry phone,

Keep ringing on, and on...

Walking into the Water

I'll simply walk into the water
step by step
one more step
a few more steps
and water will start filling me in
first my feet
then till my knees
then around my naval
then a little more up
a little more up
drowning me till neck
silently, softly, smoothly
kiss my chin and my lips
cover my nose

I won't breath
enter in my ears
blind my eyes

I won't walk anymore

my head will not be seen
water will take me in
in its vast arms with love
step by step
deeper and deeper
into its bosom
forever and ever...

I'm Insanity

I’m insanity

Madness in versatility

Do not ridicule me

I’m ridiculous virginity.

Yes, I’m a woman

The harbinger of maternity

You’ve tested me

A lot for my fidelity.

It’s time

To be infidel now

Be reproachable –

Lady Infidelity.

Because you want

Everything perfect

I’ll ruin it all

I’m the savior

Of mediocrity;

I leave not

A single ruinous possibility.

Enough of your

Male chauvinistic

Inhumanity

I’m here to break

The timeless rigidity.

I’m the lusterless graphite

With the sharpness

Of a diamond.

I’ll blind you

I’m the blinding brightness

Brighter than infinity.

Bad Times

Life you betrayed me

Left me in trauma 

Trauma of being me

Beginning in comma
Clingy and un-free.
Striving in bad times
Making me unholy.

Now I wait

For a full stop finally
Inside an adamant matrix,
 I'm killed subliminally;
Alive on the above
Rotting dead within.

Loving life my princess

You gave me bad times 

Noncumulative mathematically.

Killed me, exploring my tissues

Figuring out the cartilages,
Poking the entrails
Chomping on me ravenously
You ate away
Everything mechanically.

A Broken Street Ride

Ballerina dancing on the pot holes,
Like a footballer kicking for goals.
Baritone of dull thumps,
Soprano of screeches.

Braking and moving,
Moving and braking -
A rhythmic continuation.

In a fitful rapture
A moment to capture
Like the dance of wooers
And beloveds' run of pretense.

Jerks breaking backbones
Tumble you in front,
You sit up right back
For fleet of pebbles and stones
In orderly stack
Await you upfront.

Then there comes
Water volleys
Of dirt churned in drain water
Flowing like rivers
With rippling shivers
Right on wickedly broken roads
Stored like tons of valuables in hoards.

My Heart's Plea...

Oh lord of lords, my dearest god
How my heart a child of misfortune
Today importune
Bowing down before you.

Relieve it of stowage
Of guilt, fear, and sadness obscure
And those
Stubbornly sustained stirs.

Oh Over Soul Divine,
Oh power Supreme
Unfetter me from the fetters
Of the pouncing and trouncing
Fickle beats
Hitting the heart walls
Like balls bouncing
Forcefully.

And stupid sensitivity
Whisking
Like eggs and chocolate
In a bone china thin,
Making my mind
Ebon
A bitter chocolate tin.

Liberate oh please liberate
From the moments of defeat
Pains of lagging behind
Pains of incompetency
Piercing my skin
With a terror dabbed pins.

Yes, I'm Scared

Night's is inching towards morning
In subtle silence and suggestive sluggishness
Mummified emotions and towering speechlessness
Are hugging the dark
Pulling me inside
The view-less visions vivacious.

Compelled to question myself
Am I scared of darkness of the night?
Perhaps I am,
Perhaps I am not,
It is the darkness of the heart
Wringing my every inch
The soul, the mind
The entrails,
And my skin - thread bare.

You are here, here by my side
No not present physically.

But like a thought
Thumping treads
Blowing trumpets
Beating drums --
A sloganeering brigade of dead
Celebrating ceremonies
Of dumping bodies dead.

Consuming my living self
Turning me into half dead
Enslaving me
Intermittently.
Slowly with your sugary syrupy sweet
Vastitudes
Of loving words;
Or with
Arrogant Attitudes of Arrogant you
And your
Uncompromising Obstinacy.

What you say
Has to be right always
And if not
You'll make it
If I disagree
You'll be a two year old
Spoiled Brat
Beat your feet on the ground
Cry hard and make me cry
Imbuing intolerable misery
All around.

You're a rich customer at the five star
Paying a big tip
To the waiter
Everyone loves waiting your table
But I'm not the waitress
I won't wait your table please
Nor will I be your whore
Doing striptease.

Yes, I'm scared,
So shiveringly scared
Scared of breaking up
Yet scared of continuing too.
Scared of the darkness outside
Scared of the troubled storms of troubled times
Troubling me inside.

For All the You, You Were...

Dedicated to everyone who has ever touched my soul in whatever way and have had a supportive and helpful standing in my life directly or indirectly, knowingly or unknowingly...

Things were shattered

If not shattered at least complicated

Pretty messed up you can say,

Everywhere yet nowhere

Like everything yet nothing

You held my hand and led me through

Those meandering roads of troubled times

And even if you didn’t do that bit

You stood somewhere with

Your amazingly enlightened smile

And things took better routes

Worked out well,

And if not very well

Just the fine

Much much better than

Bad and hateful.

You and you and you, just you, very you, only you, all that’s you

Made it up

When you could just like the whole world

Brought storms of turmoil

Making it all a great spoil

Blown up all with a mere wisp of air

Like you blow out the candles

When they aren’t needed anymore.

The Night Fall

It's the wedding of 

The fading Sun

with the Crimson

Twilight

Night is waiting 

Just for you

Forget your love

for the daylight.

Shadows are the Temptresses 

Tempting you throughout

They are the Divas -

In magical masquerades

Walking hand in hand

With Night.

As if Jon Duan

And His

Several of Mistresses

Walk across

The promenades

Of melancholy minds.

 

Lost Soul

                                                                    

                                                                    

                                                                    

                                            

My soul's lost

Like an enigmatic nexus incognito

Ruling my world in barricades

To have my self vetoed

Or it's the masochism of my being

And my heart's pounding hard

Sensing indefatigably

The chafing of every goose bump

Or heart beat's momentary slump

When passions fill

Insignificant rills

Down the face

From eye to chin

Permeating in wet jets of beady sets

Or streaming riots in total unrest.

Lover in the Mirror

I look into the mirror

And face myself

Thinking there resides

A lover with words of appreciation

Sadly, there's nobody

But for pure commerce

Offering the amount of depreciation

For my face value,

Body, mind, and soul.

Earlier it would smile,

Blink eyes

Like a 1940'2 diva

And throw kisses

All the while

Like a super star.

Would woo me,

Pursue me,

Inspire me to look good.

But now

It only  holds

A surface full of cracks,

Faded mercury coating,

And the spots of corrosion.

The world is running fast,

As if in short of time

Today's gone,

Perhaps tomorrow too

won't last.

And the pictures

Of the past

Flood the frozen eyes

when the mirror -

A perfect iconoclast

Break the images of the present

And only

A distorted reflection of self

broodingly lasts

broodingly last... 

A Prayer

life has it's own reservations
at its various stations.
let  at every crossroads
you're faced with
never ending celebrations.

let your everyday be full of smiles
tears be locked on
forsaken isles
and the criss-cross lines in your palms
fill happiness in 
the journey of your life
miles after miles.

you look around
only to find
Gods getting kind
in blessing you unbound
and be astound
to get, set and let
masts of your wishes
filled with happy winds abound.

May today, tomorrow and every day

in every possible way 

you are brought happiness forever
may you live like an utmost reveler
unshaken, fearless, felicitous traveler.